Polyamory vs. an open relationship: what is right for you?

Are you a person who prefers to kiss your lover’s lips only, or do you think: hey, love and sex – why choose when you can have both? Time to understand the difference between polyamory and an open relationship. Because no, it’s not ‘just sleeping with several people’. There’s more nuance to it than you may think.

Relationships aren’t as simple as they used to be

In the past, you either had a relationship or you didn’t. Full-stop. Nowadays, you can just as easily swipe from ‘monoga-what?’ to ‘I want freedom but security too’. And there you are, somewhere in between, with your feelings, desires and maybe a touch of confusion. Understandable. Because what exactly is the difference between polyamory and an open relationship? And – more importantly – what is right for you?

Open relationship

An open relationships usually revolves around one steady partner, with whom you share love, but where sex with others is okay. Think: you and your partner are exclusive when it comes to feelings, but a little more loose with physical contact. You know about each other’s escapades (or you don’t, you agree on that), and jealousy is curbed with rules like: “no sex with an ex” or “never twice with the same person.”

It’s the relational version of: we’re loyal to each other, but I do feel like eating out every now and then.”

Polyamory

Polyamory goes a big step further. It’s not just sexually open, but emotionally too. You don’t rule out being in several real loving relationships. This could mean having multiple partners you feel deeply connected with – and yes, that also means reading a book on the couch together on Sunday sometimes, or watching Netflix together, not only wild sex parties.

Communication is no luxury here, it’s necessity. Jealousy? Sure, that’ll come along. But poly couples learn to dance with it. It’s about honesty, consent and knowing your boundaries (and those of the other person).

What suits you?

Do you want to be sexually free, but emotionally exclusive? Then you’re probably leaning towards an open relationship. Do you want space for deep, multiple love relationships? Hello, polyamory! Or don’t you know yet? That’s okay too. It’s not an exam, it’s a voyage of discovery. Maybe you start somewhere and end up with something completely different. That’s totally fine.

And remember: what feels right today, doesn’t have to suit you in a year’s time. Relationships are like your wardrobe: sometimes you have to try something on, see it in daylight, and dare to say: “this is not me anymore.”

Whether you’re team monogamous, open or poly: talk, be honest, and choose what makes you happy. And stop thinking that there’s only one right way to love. Because love certainly isn’t about pigeon-holing.